drink some water

No day which you learn something is a complete loss

2008-01-09T04:18:07Z

i'm bored. totally bored. i feel like a mosquitoe buzzing around in the universe with no aim no target no goal. this job is really too boring. so i'm trying to spice it up a little. haha!! everyone's gone off for lunch. but smart me has decided to stay for an extra 15 minutes so as to be able to go for lunch alone(with rachel tang). i'll leave at 12.15-12.20. and be back at 2! HAHA. i've learnt the ways of cheating around the office. seriously i can't see myself not cheating if this goes on for another few more weeks. haha! when there's an assignment, i'm flooded all the way up my nose. when there's no assignment, i get caught for sleeping. hallelujah... so i'm trying my best. REALLY MY BEST. so stall for as much time as possible doing these assignments :

Expenses to build-up for the Nagoya Office
Japan Relocation Project
RGP Tokyo Relocation Project
Cashflow_India-June-Dec07
CashFlowMaster010207

that's about all i have to do. shall spend the rest of my working life here doing this since i've completed the Hong Kong region.. darnit. why does the company in HongKong not have any other more complicated matters. suckkkk. haha!

oh yay. i just got caught surfing the net.. CRAP!! oh no oh no. oh well. haha!

i learnt the art of cheating today. so it ain't a LOSS. haha!! i'll hon my skills for a few more days. haha!

HEELS KILL - KILL HEELS

2008-01-08T15:53:34Z

today is my second day in work. and i find it all too boring already. i wonder how can i ever survive the boredom. the first day still seemed alright as everything was still new. the second day was dry and tasteless. its not even challenging. sometimes we catch butterflies, sometimes we catch a nap. today i caught a nap and they caught me napping. what a wonderful world.. but i hid my drool behind my hands and furrowed my brows. hope they thought i was too concentrated to hear them calling me.. i don't want to get fired once again.. being fired off the job for dancing in front of the security camera was bad enough. i don't want another black mark on my resume.. ROAR

work work work. starting my third day of work tomorrow. hope i won't fall asleep again.. even if i do, i pray that no one will notice me.. heehee. i've accumulated 8 blisters already. if i really do have a choice, i'll quit the job RIGHT NOW!!! haha. oh well. by the way. i've to thank Rachel Tang a lot a lot a lot. she gave me her wedges because i couldn't wear a normal pair of heels. haha! thank you thank you thank you.

i salute you who wears the heels. really. you're my superstar.. heels should be meant for you and only you.

sometimes i confuse myself

2008-01-06T09:10:42Z

its been quite a while since I posted. I suppose this lag time is because of the time required to upload pictures in which I hate. Like totally... haha! I shall try to remember what I’ve done. Read if you're interested then. haha.

On the 31st dec. didn't really do much. nothing much to be done as all my shopping lists were checked. All ready for the New Year. Only that itsy bitsy teeny weeny bit of shopping for working clothing... went out with peiyin to shop in the afternoon. It took eons for this to be done with. I didn't know why I even decided to go shopping and I didn't know where this minuscule tinge of satisfaction came from. I’m supposed to detest shopping. I guess its called peer satisfaction. haha! Bought all my gear. Ready for work. With nothing else in mind. All I could do was to go HOME as I couldn't stay out till night for the countdowns because I wasn't really invited to peiyin's 0611C's party. Lazing around at home.

Patches of excitement filled my evening as ongoing calls and messages filled my mind with ideas of a stay over at a.a's house albeit the lonely night. BUT I decided at around 11.30 that I had to watch the fireworks. I had to I had to I had to. Soooooo I called Noelle to ask if she had the freedom to stay out late. And YES SHE WAS. We reached Clarke quay at around 11.53. Immediately, we rushed out for the fireworks. I suspected we were at the wrong area because I remembered it to be at the merlion.. But there was the fireworks billboard there. So we waited.

It turned TWELVE. Cinderella had to run home and we had to run around to spot the fireworks.

We HEARD the fireworks resonate. which went boom boom boom

we SAW the reflections on the glass panel of one of the building.

we traipsed down the path then.. we saw the BUTT of the fireworks!!

we RAN across the crowded streets and dashed past the roads

we were chasing fireworks.. on the first day of 2008 I made the first attempt to chase a fireworks exhibition in the attempt to catch the first glimpse of the first fireworks of year 2008 for the very first time of my life.

we walked home from raffles place after that. haha!! it was super funny but tiring because it was a long and arduous journey home with loads of U-turns and S-turns. haha!!

PICTURES!

(UNDER CONSTRUCTION...)

we also had a little meet up session with A.A. it was a PICNIC session at botanic gardens. haha! me and Noelle went over to yujia's house to prepare the food needed for the picnic. they decided a 7-course dinner.. I had to wake up early in the morning to get the food from NTUC. oh my goodness. I really admire the housewife profession.. why would anyone torture themselves to get the food then cook it? its too much trouble.. hehe. I almost died carrying the food up the giganormous mountain to yujia's house. anyway. lazy to blog.. haha! visit here! and for additional pictures!

we went a.a's house. it was super funny. and I think I scammed a pretty large sum of bus drivers, passing off as a student. HAHA!! okay okay. back to topic. oh well. as usual Valerie is too tired to post anything. so here are some of the details of what went on that day. but let me clarify something!! I wasn't turned on or anything!! I was just posing for the camera. haha! and the video of a.a's sound stage.. ultimate man!!

Val, YJ, No : SIT-UPS!
: YOGA!
: PILATES!
A.A : boom BOom BOOM!
YJ : BREAKDANCE!!

seriously yujia.. I wonder how did you ever guess it. haha!

a.a did doodles. she drew an msn chatbox and a few squibbles here and there. then she starts to take the pencil and pretends to stab herself in the throat.

YJ : COMPUTER STAB!
YJ : COMPUTER KILL!
VAL : COMPUTER VIRUS!!
serious val. how did you think of that? I think i'm going insane too.. haha!!

rushed down for training after that. was really really really late. totally missed out the colour belts training. but I couldn't do much to help out sir leon even if I was there. the colour belts are total strangers to me and I don't really want to spoil the fun by enforcing too much discipline there. Taekwondo is supposed to be fun for them.
black belt training was one of the best and the best has yet to finish! we learnt to deal with drunkards (friends or foe), i'm not afraid of violent people sober or drunk! bring it on! haha!
sir Leon is aging. really sad to notice that. I used to think he was invincible and age-proof. but now, I see a weakening man in front of me and I can't do anything to stop it. depressing. I hope these black belt training can last as long as possible. I know I can trust sir Leon on that whenever I see his nose wrinkled up in happiness (with or without the sarcasm intended). I can see he's happy to see us there even though we're not doing anything to help his workload during trainings. our appearance alone can do so much. but I want to do more. now I can fully comprehend what it means by sincerity counts.

woke up early in the morning this day.. we were having a clique outing at holland V. me and Noelle had decided to cycle there instead. we thought it was a cool idea. I never really had the opportunity to cycle out so far. so why not? I stuffed about 5 sotong balls into my mouth before heading out (bad bad idea..) I cycled to bukit batok with a lot of stupid mistakes and turns along the way. I MAXIMIZED the amount of possible routes of reaching bukit batok from yew tee. was really exhausted by the time I reached and the sotong balls were playing 'catch' in my tummy. the first thing I did when I saw Noelle was to leave the bike with her and run to the nearest restroom to relieve myself. not pee but puke.. all the sotong balls came tumbling out.

we actually wanted to cycle to jurong to meet up with thomas as Noelle had the lion king's dvd to pass to him. ( it was an impromptu decision ). and just as we expected. he wasn't awake yet. so we continued our journey. from jurong to clementi and through the park connector we cut straight down to buona vista and parked our bikes at some HDB flat. and so sorry everyone.. we were late because I couldn't make it. I was whining throughout the whole journey and Noelle continued her own conversation as I was too tired to talk. I don't know why but I didn't have enough strength to complete the whole journey and Noelle was lagging because of my lousy physique. weakling Valerie, lousy Valerie.. and I kept asking Noelle, " are we reaching?" okay. I was just whining because I was too tired. I don't really like my bike. its heavy, rusty and difficult to paddle.. when I get my pay. I’ll get my own bike!! haha.

met up with hweeyi first then coincidentally, a.a came towards us in a cab. we went into BK first. then in came yj.. we ate our brunch there. hweeyi treated us!! yay!! so happy. when I get my pay I’ll treat you people too okay!! haha! that is if I have enough la. haha! then we talked and talked. and they openly criticised my drawing book. how could you!! haha. it was just on the spur of the moment that I drew the pictures it doesn't represent anything!! went to COLD BAR (or is it?) to have ice cream. A.A TREAT!! haha! today is a treat or treats day! haha! I found the ice cream there intriguing. and the staffs there are hilarious.. haha!! ask me to close the door for them somemore..tsk. do I look like a bell girl!! haha!

was still feeling lethargic. so me and Noelle wanted to take a bus home with out bikes. (okay my idea. I was too lazy to cycle back. haha!) but noooo. the bus uncle didn't allow. so we cycled back. slowly....... I couldn't make it you see. heh heh heh. too weak for this cycling craze. so Noelle rushed off home at clementi. and I slowly made my way back home. got lost the first thing when Noelle left me. I think fatigue was setting in. I couldn't differentiate left from right. and I happily made my way to commonwealth without even noticing anything.. my backpack's buckle broke before I realized I was going the wrong way. so I backtracked and went on a familiar route.. on the way back, I almost banged a police car because I 'didn't see' it. I was hallucinating already... and a car almost mauled me over when I attempted to cross a road without looking both ways.. woooo. bad bad day. but!! the worst has yet to come. it started raining just as I reached cck. I gave up waiting for the rain and rode home drenched and dripping wet. skidded on my way up and scratched my leg. wow. how lucky. and I went home with pink cheeks. heehee. the only happy thing that happened. haha!!

on my way back. had a lot of things on my mind and had a lot of time to think about them. I was thinking why does the return route seem so much easier and faster? when I start to cycle, I will subconsciously think of the return trip and how much energy is required for the return trip. and so subliminally, I’ll conserve energy for this return trip. I’ll try not to strain my legs trying to get there because I believe in cumulating this energy for later and end out not having enough on the trip there but too much on the trip back. I don't use the energy when I’m supposed to. I always think of saving the best for the last. is this how procrastination came about? there's also this scenario whereby I know that there's to be an uphill ahead. I’ll act without thinking and start to paddle fast and faster so as to overcome the inertia. paddling faster and faster in the beginning taps on my energy store. the faster I paddle the faster I burn out.. the faster I give up. WHY!! I don't understand myself sometimes..

in the middle of the night. I woke up with this dreadful feeling in me which I couldn't associate with. so I sat up and pondered for a little while before I reached out for my folder with yh's letters in it. I know I shouldn't keep these. I know I should have thrown them away, I know I should have burnt them away. but I didn't. and I don't know why I kept them within reach all the time. this is the first time I’m flipping through them in 4 years. I didn't know it seemed so serious at that time. so many letters within such a short time.

I was discombobulated at first. then the letters perturbed my thoughts. it swirled up something in me which I had compressed for four freaking years. I wanted so much to punch something up. then came the blues. tears of don't-know-what came down. I recognize this feeling but I couldn't quite put my finger to it. I know I felt this four years ago. but I wasn't mature enough to comprehend, neither am I now.. then came the nascent wave of repose. everything seemed so fuzzy a few years ago. a nebulous recollection of our times together. its starting to piece itself together now. the mist seems to be dissipating now. I’ve only got one life. I’ve got to do what I really want to do and not always listen to what everybody wants. I can't satisfy everyone, but I can satisfy myself. else, it'll not be my life anymore. would it?

take for all that's worth. and give like you've never given before because you know its like a boomerang.. even if you'll end up as a pauper, you know you've done your best and put in all that's worth. regret should be like an influenza virus. when you've caught it, you know your immunity system will somehow get better and stronger. is this what I think it is?

I’m waiting for t.t gal. have you seen her?

IMAGE HEAVY!!

2007-12-30T13:43:30Z

the new year's almost here. can feel the tinge of regret in me.
i'll miss the christmas spirit in the air. and the crowded streets.

i'll miss all the stupid things we did and still want to do. haha!;p

and of course. all the unglam faces foreverzxzxzx

BERNICE:

DENISE:

HWEE YI:

MICHELLE:

NOELLE:

VALERIE:

YI TIAN:

YU JIA:

although we always do stupid things such as this:

and this:

but i really really enjoyed your company. as in really really really. haha! hope the next year will be as enjoyable as this and the previous and the previous previous to infinite. haha!

i've got a new handphone pouch!! since i hadn't got any this year so i had to go get one.. haha! its really really too darn cute. haha!! me and peiyin named it name : 모초 surname : 차미소요 (pronunciation is like that mocho chamiseoyo) hee hee. meaning : manly & interesting. HAHA!! mocho!! mummy miss you so much!! muackzx muackzx!! haha!

Apprehension

2007-12-27T06:45:08Z

Me, noelle teh susu and ang yujia the angsana went out early in the morning to khatib adecco for an interview. then met up again later in the afternoon. before meeting up with them, had a little lunch buffet with my mom at republic plaza on scotts. haha! the cafe was carousel. ambience was really there. and i really loved the food there. sweet clams, unagi, grilled steak. spaghetti in don't know what sauce. wooooo. loved it there. haha. dessert was scrumptious. Empyrean. Cherubic. Rapturous. Seraphic. loved it loved it loved it. haha! but didn't love the price. haha! poor mom had to spend a bomb on it haha!

rushed home. threw my shoes outside the door step stripped within 3 seconds and got into my berms and grabbed any shirt and rushed out again. noleelee requested me to be there at taka asap. so i did. i'm such a good friend right noleelee! haha. she was with sheng yu. his present for her was...i was unable to identify with the picture. well. its the thought that counts i guess. haha! then we had a little chill out session at yoshinoya while we waited for time to crawl by. then we rushed to meet yujia. and original plan was to watch the musical fountain. however.. tickets were sold out by the time we arrived. oh well. i guess my birthday present from yujia was dashed. haha!

went to vivo city and walked walked walked. we went to daiso and had a 'costume party' then to animal farm to look for a shampoo for yujia's dog. noelle just had to try the cologne on herself. i meant DOG cologne. my goodness. i think she's trying to turn kenzo on. but the smell was too musty and too...... SATURATED.. noelle had some on her sleeve and i spent the rest of the night complaining about it. haha! we went to the kopitiam in vivo to sit as ang yujia claimed she was hungry. haha! okay. i was starting to get a little tired and i wanted to go home.. haha. then noleelee said she had to leave first. haha! okay. i was so confused! on my hands was my handphone. my auntie called me at the same time as noelle had to go, so i didn't even get to say goodbye!! and ang yu jia still didn't want to go home. HAHA. we ended up ordering ginseng chicken soup as yujia said it smelled good. EEUCK. i hate that ginseng smell. we only finished half of it. ew. then yujia said she wanted to go to the rooftop.. what's there at the rooftop?? kissing couples.. so we did. i traipsed along the rooftop then suddenly i saw noelle teh xiaowen. right. i thought she went home. so they blindfold me WITH THEIR HANDS. haha! then i saw thomas and naraen with the b-day cake. haha! okay. i was shocked.. haha!!i didn't even realise that they would be celebrating. haha! and the balloons. haha!! we took loads of pictures. haha! loved that moment. haha! how long has valerie gone without a cake on her birthday. haha!! yay!! THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU! you make me feel so embarrassed. haha!

THE birthday.

went home after that. i don't know what to say about it. but hope everything goes well. world peace starts with peace with each other. Lord God Lamb of God who took away the sins of the world said," Peace be to you. and to all his people on Earth" let's keep the balance there okay? if things get out of hand. call me. i'm just a call away. don't worry. i won't hurt. at most help to block if it gets out of hand. haha. PEACE TO HIS PEOPLE ON EARTH!!

actually i hate to spill the beans noelle. but i saw thomas at the kopitiam. i didn't say because i thought i saw wrongly without my specs, haha! but still THANK YOU ALL SO MUCH!!!

gratification

2007-12-26T01:20:41Z

i really really don't like this day. just want to sleep through it. ohwells.. but thanks so much to everyone who wished me. haha! thank you thank you THANK YOU hehe.

saw this really funny thing :

Daniel wakes up at home with a huge hangover.
He forces himself to open his eyes, and the first thing he sees is a couple of aspirins and a glass of water on the side table.
He sits down and sees his clothing in front of him, all clean and pressed.
Daniel looks around the room and sees that it is in perfect order, spotless, clean.
So is the rest of the house.
He takes the aspirins and notices a note on the table."Honey, breakfast is on the stove, I left early to go shopping. Love You!"
So he goes to the kitchen and sure enough there is a hot breakfast and the morning newspaper.
His son is also at the table, eating.
Daniel asks: "Son, what happened last night?"
His son says: "Well, you came home around 3 am drunk and delirious.
Broke some furniture, puked in the hallway, and gave yourself a black eye when you stumbled into the door."
Confused, Daniel asks: "So,why is everything in order and so clean, and breakfast is on the table waiting for me?"
His son replies" "Oh, that! Mom dragged you to the bedroom, and when she tried to take your pants off, you said,
"LADY,LEAVE ME ALONE,I"M MARRIED!!"
(Guys you better memorise this till it becomes second nature.)
MORAL of the tale:Self-induced hangover -- $100.00
Broken furniture -- $2,000.00Breakfast -- $10.00
Saying The Right Thing While Drunk -- PRICELESS

Pseudo-maniac

2007-12-25T14:35:38Z

its christmas!!haha. although the spirit isn't as strong, but still its the festive season of sharing and giving!! and of course the birth of christ!! MERRY CHRISTMAS TO ONE AND ALL!!
we had an earlier christmas celebration at yujia's house while we prepared for A levels.. haha.

check it out man!!

HERE

had a little birthday surprise for noelle the other day. haha! it was really damn funny. details are all on her blog. (december 25th post). i'm too tired to blog about anything

.OH! and the day before, half of the clique went for yujia's church christmas celebrations. we watched the chang's production which was really funny. haha!! check it out! haha!

a lot of things happened within a short span of time. i think i forgot most of it already. oh well.. haha!! i hope the future holds more then it seems! haha!

i wish tomorrow will never come. i wish december never had a 26.. maybe then, i won't be here whining and whining and whining. hate myself..

Syncopate. burnt out.

2007-12-19T03:06:36Z

i'm so tired. its really been a dynamic week for me!:) but i can live with it! hope everyday can be this packed. then i won't have enough time to think. haha! maybe if my brain degenerates enough, i can't remember the past anymore.. and probably not think about the future (A levels) heeheehee.

okay. had the family chalet. wasn't too bad. except that the only attraction i saw was the television. i didn't have scv connections in my house. so i did a discovery channel marathon. haha!! stared at the television for one whole day. watched really intriguing shows like real superhuman and powerzone :future weapons and the haunting. woohoo. so much better then a normal television channel. i loved the powerzone episode!! there were M777, the OH-47chinook! and the C130 transport and more more more! their phrase? "its nothing like starting the morning with a BANG!" haha. went out early the next morning with my aunt before checking out. somehow i feel like she's a mother to me.. i feel more at ease and cosy with her.. haha! pictures!

pictures are here!

cycled with naraen on monday. true to noelle's words.. my butt ached. haha! it rained the whole day! okay. maybe the first couple of hours were cloudy. then God cried. haha! maybe he didn't want to see me injure my butt. haha! ;p but we were all the way in changi park! it was 7900m from east coast park. gave up fighting with the rain in the end and got drenched. it felt so nice to play in the rain again. so happy. just like last time but without the company. haha. when we were stuck in the rain in this shelter on our return journey, there were commercial planes landing and taking off. didn't really get a good picture of it though but i tried..

look closely! we you can see some structures resembling planes! do you see the SIA signs?

taking off and landing. each time it does that, i'll think of a new beginning. no idea why. i feel so invigorated everytime i see a plane taking off or landing.. and there was a crescent coloured plane!! onward with zeal and zest! forward we of CGS!!

my bike.. kinda rusty but reminds me of my old bike which the banglas stole.

this bike trail was damn fun. i'm going again soon! haha. i just told yinhao about it and now he's excited too. haha! i guess very soon i'll get a butt ache again. heh heh.

TUESDAY

first day of work again! this time in the zoo as a carpark attendant. the carpark machine spoiled during a thunderstorm, i guess the thunder was just getting a tad too friendly with the machine and it pissed the machine off so much that it refuses to function..had real fun the whole day doing stupid things to amuse the 2 guys working with me :salleh and samuel. i didn't know the security cameras RECORD everything down. i danced the whole day through and did stupid things like waving to the camera. so much so that the management came down to warn me about appropriate postures, ettiquette and behaviour. oh whatever.. haha! i'm just being friendly ;D it was my first and last day at work there i think.. and this is why you see me typing this entry early this morning. hope they don't terminate me!!!!! i'll be so sad. haha!;p but for now i'm entitled to a free entry to the zoo and night safari!! what a happy thought :)

sometimes, i see my hamsters as human beings. i don't know why..

little narcissists trying to get the camera attention (left) . and little twits. acting cute in front of me, chewing his toes(right)

camaraderie.sticking to one another... and a little racist..

and multi-racial.. and some acting dead or just plain enjoyment, they do nothing but eat sleep shit and play!! how much better can life get (in their pathetic lifespan of 3 plus years..)

noelle, yujia!!! quick come back.. i'm bored. let's go play bball together :(

Transfuse

2007-12-14T17:24:33Z

nothing productive done today....
didn't even go to khatib adecco for a job interview thanks to the lazy bone..
rainy weather was today. nice nice rain. i was coaxed to a little nap. lulled by the soothing patters of the rain. haha!:p okay. i was just being lazy..

continued my search for a job online. so far i've sent out like 8 resumes. no replies yet. oh goodness gracious me, is it just me or is it that difficult to get a job with good pay.. darnit! sometimes... URGH

missed training again. really let sir leon down again and again.. but this time i really can't find my belt.. i think i've got to get one by next friday. and the closest store i know is in marina bay shopping centre. darn it.. one of these days i'll go i promise myself now. haha.

family outing tomorrow.. don't know what's going to happen though. its been so long since i've been in contact with my beloved grandma..haha. i don't know what to do with them when i go out with them tomorrow. feeling a little awkward now already. hope everything turns out fine tomorrow till sunday!! haha!

some funny conversation. haha!
A: Do you know what I hate? I hate rhetorical questions.
B: yeah, me too
A: I mean, you don't expect an answer to that do you?

Guilt trip aftermaths

2007-12-13T03:18:41Z

i think i've tonsilities again. its much worse now i think. shite.

conscience : good. so you'll stop eating so much, you big fat pig.

me : ya. probably. but you don't have to remind me that i'm fat.

conscience : ya and ugly.

me : fine. you are such an ass. shut up.

There was this girl back then, like a blank sheet of paper. Spotless, she didn't know what love meant or was. She said love was just another scam that still exists and roams around the world. It was not till ~~she~~ came barging into her life. ~~she~~ demanded and ~~she~~ gave. She knew it was unnatural and unjustified. She knew she couldn't and she didn't. She also didn't feel herself drowning deeper within ~~her~~. She thought that they were just good friends. She thought she had it under control. She asked me what was this she felt. I didn't dare reveal.

Where ever ~~she~~ wanted to go, she tagged along. They kept each other company, had heart-to-heart talks and held hands. ~~she~~ said that ~~she~~ liked her, but she thought otherwise. Even when a kiss had sealed her fate, she continued her deception. Deception, ignorance, whatever it was. She just needed an excuse to cover for this blemish. The only visible stain on the paper. She came stumbling towards me. "What should I do?” i just smiled. What could she do? She'll learn, she'll learn.

It was the beginning. Meetings became regular. Talking became a necessity. She had long forsaken her spotless defenses. She had abandoned her own fort. ~~she~~ had successfully invaded and conquered. Her world now filled with ~~her~~ colors, originally black, now she saw and felt and tasted. The myriad of colors made it excitingly delicious. She was saturated. She was satisfied. She was confused. She ran to me, smiling and giggling. She was strong now with her strength. "So what's next?" i could only smile and nod.

Maybe she didn't know how to go about it. Maybe she didn't dare to show enough affection. Maybe ~~she~~ just played with her. Maybe...

One day, ~~she~~ left her life completely. Gone, vanished, and vaporized. ~~she~~ didn't even say goodbye. Silence was all ~~she~~ left behind. She knew it was for her own good. ~~she~~ thought ~~she~~ was helping her. But what ~~she~~ didn't know was that she had just fallen for ~~her~~. Utterly disoriented, she didn't know what to do. She thought she had it under control, she thought she would never stray. And now here she stands without ~~her~~ in sight. ~~she~~ changed ~~her~~ contact numbers and changed ~~her~~ house address. She couldn't even reach ~~her~~ now. Her garden now withers and wilts. She came to me, her eyes did the talking. i gave a pat on her shoulder and said, “Love’s no possession, its time to go on. Let it go."

Four years had past and she has not seen ~~her~~. Not a glance. Four years it took for her to move on. Four years she had been waiting. Four years of pain and anguish, but could ~~she~~ hear? Four years of pain and regret, but could ~~she~~ feel? Four years down the road, and she hasn't let go. Four years without a whisper of ~~her~~ news. Four years should she continue?

Somewhere deep within me i could hear a voice. Feeble but eager and so it said. "Fight on my little brave soldier." Teardrops had befuddled my conscience.

i would love to be able to think deeper sometimes.

to be able to reach into the unbound abyss where noone but you have access to. i know i have the potential. just too lazy to reach out. even when i do try, its more of a weak attempt. i'll ask myself. do i really want to do this? do i really want to know the truth? i know that my feeble attempts are only there to stem up my uncertainties. and pressure is building up inside. i know these ventures are self-illusional. maybe i just want to live in the shadows and not see the light...

but other times its better to be shallow. earthly desires get to you and your guilt trips all seemed worthwhile after all. HAHA

FAILURE

2007-12-12T13:48:57Z

left school early for the job orientation.. it was totally a scam.. i don't know why i even did that. it was pure insanetism again. it was like a sales agent.. had to go out and pitch sales. so totally not me. as in can you ever imagine me doing such stuff? yeah. valerie the sales person. why did i even bother. okay. it was another certified failure. smart valerie. always making the right decisions. wasted the entire day away again. should have done something better with my life.. wake up valerie tan!!

i think i better do something meaningful with my life while it lasts. haha! who knows what's going to happen tomorrow.. but for TOMORROW. can someone ask me out please please please please please. haha. talking to myself again.. shit. i've contracted the noelle-syndrome!! haha!!

i want to play bball desperately!! call me out to play bball anytime people!! haha!

4S1 outing soon. vivo again. haha! is that our official meeting place? see you guys soon!!

wasted or not?

2007-12-11T16:25:43Z

wasted another perfect day.. went out to the polyclinic in the morning.. had yet another referral to nsc.. doubt it'll be any good... hope this appease my mom for as long as possible..haha.

met noelle at tanjong pagar to collect our miserable meagre pay.. she was an hour late again. what a punctual person. haha. but wasn't her fault.. heeheehee i just feel like whining..

was late again for the soccer thing... i was even less on form today. don't know what's wrong with me.. actions a little retarded now.. hah!! i felt really damn guilty and sorry. all i could do was a standing contrition...

bathing was damn funny though.. we brandished our powerful soccer-ful leg. haha! we managed to manouvre our shampoo and shower foam bottles to each cubicle because we only had one set. haha! how cool was that. so we aren't bimbos. haha!

our convo went like that:

me and yujia : hey hey! we can play soccer well too! we do better then the guys on pitch. just that we do it while bathing! we should have them to play in the toilets with us. bet we'll trash them haha!

noelle : eh, you know they can hear us from outside

*laughs laughs laughs

me and yujia : WHAT!! ARE YOU FOR REAL!!!!NO WAY#@$%^&*^%^$%

went out for dinner with them.. pretty enjoyable. haha! laughing all the while. reminded me of last time after canoe trainings or after some bball games with the innova guys. haha!! pure adrenaline. haha! and thomas had to remind me about my caffeine allergy.. right. i'll try to remember it. haha.

pictures for the dinner!

job orientation tomorrow!! hope everything goes well. cross your fingers your toes and your eyes!wish me luck!! haha

noelle and me tried to rush for 3 trains today. out of three, we got in 2!!! so success rate is 66.66666666666666666666666666666666666666666666666666666666666666666666666666666666666666666666666666666666666666666666666666666%. hope to increase it though. haha! want to chip in too? haha!

FAILURE!!!

2007-12-10T11:08:00Z

went on another job hunt with flora today. fine weather it was. the skies were as benign as a malignant tumour. only gets heavier and never ceases. results? look at the title of this post. i'm sure you'll understand. haha!

took 67 down from cck to tampines. actually intended to alight at bedok. but both of us fell asleep no thanks to the buddha-ful weather. we sat all the way to tampines. and i actually had butt cramps! what the.. i didn't know the butt cramps too. had to limp for a while to the 'yong da' building. okay. got a job there. but its like 1200 a month..6 days work week. it sounds like a pretty fun job though. i don't know. there's an orientation on wednesday. will go down and check it out that day... my butt is still cramping till now... occasionally though.. stupid butt.

oh! had a VERY INTERESTING talk with noelle. continue-ing later after dinner. haha!!

soccer with the bintan people tomorrow. whoop-dee-doo.......not exactly looking forward to it though.. can't play soccer for nuts.. wish me luck then. haha!

second day back in homeland

2007-12-08T11:33:13Z

okay. this is my second day. i just learnt to use the livejournal themes thanks to thomas a.k.a yujia's friend..

reminisce:

travelled to bintan from 3rd dec to 6th dec. (was supposed to last till 7th due to my grandfather's death anniversary ceremony. but i could have stayed till 7th since the ceremony was in the morning and my ferry couldn't make it in time.. didn't dare to tell yujia the angsana lest suffer her wrath *heehee*)

people who went :

yujia
noelle
valerie
mark
shengyu
thomas
gary
siva
narean
qi liang

we didn't really take much pictures there as i'm completely not a photo whore. neither were the people there..haha!but it was totally completely awesome. everything wasn't as great as what i thought it would be but i guess everything was ironed out eventually. and i meant everything.

1st DAY (3rd dec)

met noelle at kranji mrt station. awaiting for the arrival of yujia's father to fetch us to tanah merah terminal. funny bit was when noelle, who took a taxi there was questioned if she was going to johor bahru. that was really wicked (but true.) haha! we were kind of the earliest there. we sauntered up and down the terminal together with yujia's father because we didn't really felt at ease being with the guys with that mountain of bags... we bought this lotion for suntanning. 20++ uv rays protection only. haha! okay. i wasn't in the right state of mind.. everyone dawdled and we eventually got into the 'waiting room' or was it the departure hall? they guys bought some alcohol. a little diddle daddle here and there. we were eventually on aria bupala or something. it looks more like a speed boat.. and this looks pretty neat eh? but my illustration based on my flashback is THIS :

it was practically a balancing act!! i died on the ferry. sheng yu got played out by the waves. he barfed and i heard it was like a stink bug.. haha! luckily, we were sitting a distance away from these jokers.

i do have this uncanny ability to uglify myself as much as possible......

in front of us were this family and their pride, their son. he was genuinely a genius! couldn't believe my ears! when he wriggled a little in the father's embrace and they thought he was about to puke and prepared the barf bag. he said ," i'm not going to puke, i'm just full" or something like that. cute boy!

nauseous. that was my only thought.

had lunch in the hotel's restaurant. complete ripoff. me and noelle shared a plate of i-have-no-idea-what's-that while the rest had buffet. yujia's father washed his plate of rice down with a bowl of tom-yum goong. we checked in shortly after. had a whirl of a time in the buggy as yujia's father taught us how to manipulate it. gary was the ultimate.

yj's father : can you drive?
gary : sure!
-the buggy went off like a sprinter at the starting line. (thomas said the look on yj's father's face was priceless)

at the end of the buggy trail, yj's father only had one thing to say. these people don't know the meaning of a brake..haha! oh my stomach. we headed out to the beach. played with the sand. built sand dunes lookalike.haha!

we had out emperor's seat after the failed attempt which came out like a potty..

the guys went playing with the waves. and they had a beach soccer match. they got thrashed. i guess the guys at bintan had loads of time to train..

shadow works.

cooked dinner with yujia and noelle. rice, maggi noodles with canned food.

we didn't cook enough to go around. so we had to make do with some maggi noddles. haha! we had the guys to wash the dishes. actually i rather do it.. doesn't seem safe with the guys at the basin. they looked drunk even when they're sane.. haha!

had a trip down memory lane when we went to gaze at the stars in the night sky. bintan cop... i missed the company then. canoe peeps and some floorball people too. didn't know how we became so close either.. haha! the panoramic view was just breathe-taking. ~~i'm not strong enough to take in everything.~~

2nd DAY (4th dec)

slight drizzle. grey clouds were painted across the celestial sphere with the constant wheezing winds. had a go at laser quest. got the lowest score though. i guess i haven't been having enough vitamin A for a while.. not enough pigments in my eyes to see in the dark..haha! okay. i just need some excuse for my low score. me, yujia, noelle, gary against sheng yu, narean and thomas. sheng yu emerged victorious after his downfall on aria bupala. heh heh heh.

went for body surfing at the beach again. pretty fun as we had to 'catch the wave'.. missed canoeing for a while there. reminded me of xiu le during expeditions.. left the beach for the villa, side tracked to the common pool to 'cleanse' our physique.played with the slope. cool stuff.

head back to the villa to have lunch. the girls took charge of the kitchen once more. tried to cook the instant noodles. turned out disastrous. guess i'm not of housewife material.. went pasar oleh oleh after that. bought a few gifts to noone in particular. had dinner there. it was a really pleasant experience somehow of which reminded me of canoe team and shota... everyone together talking, laughing, just enjoying each other's company. you people made it happen once again:D

the taxi driver vaporized somehow.. he didn't pick us up at pasar oleh oleh to the ferry terminal to pick up mark. we got another cabbie and got to the terminal in time. mark had a grand entrance. HAHA! yujia seemed as if she was glowering. haha!

street soccer after we reached back the villa. what the heck. i had skills of an ant against a rhino. i could only play goalie. and all i have to say is : sorry guys. told you i can't play soccer for nuts. noelle yujia mark gary thomas against narean siva qi liang shengyu and me... narean had the best tricks ever when the ball was under his foot. i could only watch in awe. thomas was equally superb. or should i say outstanding. i was super terrified of gary and mark.. my arm was left dangling by the tendons by the end of the match. haha!

settled down in the villa for the night. NAREAN GOT DRUNK. i thought he was the only decent one there.. haha! okay. he is a decent guy. but he got drunk and this drama sequel all the way from 'i can't walk straight' to all the vulgarities. then the 'i feel like i'm playing cs now' to 'F*** i'm an indian and indians don't get drunk.' champions my friends.. this lasted like up to 5 am according to thomas and sheng yu who accompanied him throughout the ordeal.. haha!

3rd DAY (5th dec)

raining the entire day. had fever in the morning..the rest had a blasting good time in the laser quest again. i went back to sleep in the villa. sheng yu chauffeured me and thomas back. he abused the buggy and drove up the steps to the villa. shocked valerie immediately hopped off and try to stall the buggy with her body weight while sheng yu tried to brake the buggy.

i attempted a roll down the flight of stairs while trying to rush for the door when the villa bell rang... how my head hurt..

ate at the hotel restaurant again shared with noelle chicken picatta. it tasted really good. some good food at last. my tummy rumbled with agreement. :) had a little banana split too! haha. then off we went to town. oh the horrors. the drive to town was fraught with flood and rain. took us at least 1 and a half hours. the shopping centre seemed a little like our causeway point.........toilet taps weren't working, no flushing system either, oh civilization, how i missed thee..

we settled down once more at Charlie's Chicken (either they were trying to hard to ride on KFC's success or charlie's angels have turned into chicken-kicking housewives)

food was pure torture... we played around with our food and played 中技密码.. the crescent girls went down the first round. yujia got played out twice, HAHA! i almost retched to see the punishment. the most disgusting one made by me. thank you thank you:D

the rest of the gang had a full body massage while me and noelle settled on foot reflexology. three words : pain, ticklish, uncomfortable. no other description.

hopped back on the taxi to get back to the villa. spotted a baby cockroach. screamed our lungs out ( me and noelle). other then that. peaceful journey with the unsafe van which had flickering headlights... me, noelle, narean, sheng yu and gary were pretty high for the return trip. kept bellowing out songs which we thought we knew the lyrics of.. haha! reached villa.. toppled to bed ( me and noelle) while the rest headed out for the beach bar or something. had yujia climbing back to bed at unearthly hours trying to tell me how nice the burgers were. i just didn't have enough consciousness to listen.. heard they went out for some buggy trip to the freaky nursery.. inside story :)

last day (6th dec)

noelle's alarm didn't ring. i woke up with a jolt and thought the ferry had left. whimsical thought....had a shower before packing up and getting ready for the bus to pick us up to the terminal. sheng yu and thomas left with us. we were punctual and reached the terminal on time. i spotted yujia's passport in my bag and started panicking. sheng yu the clear headed one ( at last!) placed the passport in the care of the immigrasi officials.. i crossed my fingers and hoped for the best. the trip back on INDERA bupala was a breeze. nothing much cocked up except for the unflushable toilet and emo-ing for a minute when i saw the waves. CANOEING!! 1 2 paddle! reached back singapore at last around 11.30 singapore time. went to bedok interchange to have a little lunch which took longer then a while as we chatted for quite some time. really enjoyed the chat too :D went home after that.. i still can't pronounce qi liang properly. i always think its 凄凉。heehee. sounds cheesy man. :D

really missing the carefree time in bintan now.. turn back time please..

went out with peiyin yesterday on a shop hunt cum window shopping. kept singing yoosu's champ elysees meets 'O' Jung Ban Hap.. actions included. totally embarrassed ourselves out. but fun fun fun.bought a beanie each! but not the ones in the pictures.. this winter shop really is nice enough to let us try on their beanies:D hope to do more of such stuff. haha!

perhaps i'm thinking too much. i don't want to know. i rather remain ignorant. i want to be the last to know

just for fun hee hee hee! i finally know how to use this thing! YES YES YES!

the non-existent life of mine..

2007-10-05T04:20:13Z

school is really crap nowadays. i don't see the point of having got to go school just for my attendance. its really a whole lot of bullshit. i don't see the point of attending useless lectures in which lecturers go on harping about how they've actually tried to help us and in fact haven't. its such contradiction, them. i want a little change around here! lectures and tutorials are really a total waste of time. rotting butts and fly-swatting moments. what else is there to attend school for! ARH really.this is pure insanetism. we should put an end to this while we still can do so. the school ought to relocate their emphasis. inerrantism, somebody?

bwah. whatever it is. i'm still hooked onto literature.

The doleful eye,
her beloved guy;
A wretched lie,
the gracious lie.

eat that you young banana shoot of a fool. you cowdung smeared madagascar hissing cockroach